Why Men Shut Down During Conflict: Childhood Narratives and the Nervous System
Why Men Shut Down During Conflict: Childhood Narratives and the Nervous System Conflict can bring out reactions in us that seem bigger than the moment itself. A partner asks a simple question and suddenly you feel criticized. A disagreement begins and you find yourself getting defensive, angry, quiet, or wanting to leave the room. You may know intellectually that the situation is manageable, yet your body seems to react before you have had time to think. In my work providing men’s therapy in Los Angeles , I often see this pattern in men who are successful, capable, and used to handling pressure, but find themselves shutting down, getting defensive, or becoming overwhelmed during relationship conflict. For many men, the reaction is not only about what is happening in the present. Shutting down, withdrawing, becoming defensive, getting angry, or immediately trying to “fix” the problem can be ways of protecting ourselves when the nervous system senses a threat. Sometimes that perceived th...