Self-awareness in the Eye of the Storm

True acceptance of ourself doesn't mean dismissing your actions or motives, it means allowing yourself to see the path in which your behaviors are processed, motivated and acted upon.

This is done without judgement from unrealistic self expectations of how we should think, process or act. The acceptance comes from a place that we are flawed and do make mistakes, not just now but always. This allows us to be OPEN to our perception of the world. Thus, creating a development model of growth.

An example of such growth happens in a normal occurrence when possibly triggered by our significant other. Let's say they activate a reactive behavior within us after making us feel disrespected, less than or not worthy. This emotional response is subtle but ingrained in our inner narrative and defense mechanisms. 

So now I have been triggered by my mate and I respond in an angry fashion, possibly making them feel less than with shame. Now we have two individuals triggered and communicating is in a heightened negative state. Unless the two individuals can walk away and take a break, this will almost certainly end in a bleak way. 

Let's say that we didn't walk away and it was a heated exchange with some hurtfulcomments. Now we walk away with some regret and intense emotion. Once the dust settles we can manage this in a multitude of ways but let's look at 3 possible scenarios:

1. I blame my significant other for the way they made me feel and justify my actions based on their inability to understand my stance. 
2. I shame myself for being so reactive. I beat myself for losing my temper and  reacting in a way that does not depict my true feelings.
3. I recognize that I was hurt and triggered by emotions of not feeling worthy that might stem from childhood experiences and previous scripts/narratives. I am aware that I go to this place of hurting my partner when I am feeling scared or wounded so I push them away. I am not proud of that but that is aplace I go to, that protects me from these uncomfortable feelings. Moving forward I will try to reduce the intensity and frequency of these reactive behaviors by catchI got myself when I am in that narrative (feelings of worthlessness) state of reactivity. I know that this will never go away permanently as I am not perfect. I get triggered in life yet if I understand what is happening to me and have the insight to my emotions and behaviors I can see myself clearly. I can learn to cohabitate with this defensive behavior and develop a process to manage when I go there. It won't be easy and I might have slip ups but I am always evolving.

The first two reactions come from place of a fixed mindset that leads to a continuation of maladaptive behaviors. The cycle will continue.

Clearly the third approach is the best response to managing our true self. It's not easy and requires to be open without blinders. Being truly self-aware is not hiding from the fear of exposure yet is disclosure through exploration. 

Please share if you think someone would benefit from this information and feel free to inquire if I can support you anyway.