Being Self Aware
The blog article was published in Good Therapy.org - http://www.goodtherapy.org/
“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
- C. Jung
One thing is for certain; each
person has his or her own views, thoughts, and emotions. Even though we are so
different we experience similar patterns of self analysis which makes up who we
are today. These patterns are typically created by the end result of our
behaviors and viewed either negatively or favorable by our strongest critic,
the almighty self. It’s amazing how our growth is determined by how the self
translates our actions.
Self awareness is the ability to
formulate a summary of our behavior based on past and current thoughts and
emotions. It allows us to understand what’s going on in our heads and why;
self-victimization prevents us from accepting that we’re responsible for it,
and for what we do as a result.
Being self-aware is the ability to
see our true self without blinders. This is the first step in being true to our
self. It requires empathy, patience,
strength, humility, and love. One of the hardest things to do is to see our
self as fallible but that is what we are. We all make mistakes and we all have
our triumphs. The great ones are capable of seeing both polars and learn how to
merge them together to make them a better individual.
As humans we generally spend our life living within the two
hemispheres or poles of self-thought. On one side, we play out our lives as
victims due to painful events in our past and learn to feel powerless when
confronting obstacles. These thoughts are considered victimization thoughts and
look different for each individual:
- Justifying
events and ways in which you were wronged.
- Complaining about a difficult
event in our life without looking at the role we played in the
circumstance.
- Obsessing
about sad events to justify negative behaviors and feelings of anger,
sadness, and shame.
- Vocalizing
and telling sad stories to gain approval and avoid potential judgment.
- Taking the
stance that others need to change for things to improve.
The
other hemisphere is the empowerment thoughts, which requires self-awareness
- Consciously allowing
your self to let go of thoughts of victimization.
- Taking
responsibility that we may have played a role in difficult events from our
past.
- Responding
proactively in the future based on our education and experience of past
events.
- Establishing
our own emotional competence and development instead of relying on others
to fill this void.
- Taking full
responsibility and course of action for our decisions.
- Take the
stance that change will only happen when we work on our internal and
external self.
The fundamental difference between self-awareness
and self-victimization pertains to our acknowledgment that we have been hurt.
Self-awareness is about observing our response
to what happened; self-victimization is about feeding into the story of what happened.
Tips
to Achieve Self-Awareness
- Emotional
awareness – understand what we are feeling and what is being triggered
within us so we can appropriately asses what is occurring and how to
respond in an affective way/space that voids previously negative responses
and patterns.
- Recognize
negative and damaging thoughts/cognitions so we can censor them.
- Recognize our
behavior tendencies and possible patterns so we can make appropriate
adjustments prior to previous negative actions and/or outbursts.
- Come to terms
and learn about our expectations, beliefs, and assumptions which affect
the path we choose and our actions.
- Regardless of
past events and the pattern, accept responsibility for our actions and the
role we played in the outcome.
The Man In The Mirror
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t a man’s father, mother or wife,
Whose judgment upon him must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in life,
Is the man staring back from the glass.
He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But the final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
And the world makes you king for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t a man’s father, mother or wife,
Whose judgment upon him must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in life,
Is the man staring back from the glass.
He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But the final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
-Dale Wimbrow, 1934
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