Skip to main content

Winning in Life

It is never easy to be the person you want to be and be the person that others expect you to be. We live in an environment that is littered with expectations, milestones, and achievements. Scoring a goal in soccer, learning to swim, getting a drivers license, losing your virginity, graduating high school, owning a car, graduating college, making a large income, owning a home are just a few of the many examples of what a person should achieve. I am not one to say that these goals and achievements are not important yet I question the value we as a society put on ourselves for such achievements.
I imagine that if we created a profile of a person who had accomplished the fore mentioned achievements, a majority of people would believe that this person was a happy and successful individual.  Unfortunately, we are not seeing the nuts and bolts of the profile and seeing the true character of the individual. I would like to know if the person is an empathetic and a loving individual; Do they support friends, are they loved, listen without judgment, value others, able to be vulnerable, present with good morals and values? 
It saddens me to know that the validity of our personal success is measured based on the material achievements and milestones we have accumulated over the years. In personal development, these achievements will provide a person with a strong ego and self-confidence yet happiness is not solely formulated based ego strength. We experience happiness and true success based on feelings of serenity and joy created by our internal makeup and character.  As all of us know, money, knowledge, and materialistic belongings don’t create happiness.
Based on my travels throughout the world and numerous clients I have met over the years, people spend their life seeking happiness by obtaining more and more, not appreciating what they have. This can be looked at in an external view in which people buy more and more materials overlooking and not cherishing what they already have in their possession. Internally this is depicted by our inability to sit with and address feelings of sadness and shame which requires individuals to mask emotions with maladaptive behaviors such as eating disorders, anger, substance abuse, hoarding, sexual disorders, being a workaholic, and gambling to name a few. Most individuals cannot sit with their loneliness and fears, and therefore utilize one of the negative behaviors above to comfort themselves.
The biggest accomplishment an individual can achieve in life is self-acceptance. This is ultimately obtained by being vulnerable through self expression, conflict, and assertiveness. Human beings experience shame, sadness, guilt, anger, and self-doubt. These attributes are present among every person alive yet most individuals spend their entire life masking these uncomfortable emotions. Self-acceptance is about allowing yourself to be (feel the emotion) and do (express the emotion), which is directly correlated to fulfillment and happiness. If an individual can express themselves authentically and be understood, than they would avoid utilizing maladaptive behaviors to find fulfillment which never occurs.
I am not here to say that graduating from school, having a good job, making money, or having a nice house will not give you some happiness. What I know is true is that without self-acceptance, accomplishments will not create fulfillment in an individuals life. It is a difficult accomplishment to obtain yet the people who live with self-confidence, lack of fear, acceptance of others, are the ones living life to the fullest. Winning is not about acquiring yet about living and being. 

Popular posts from this blog

Sustaining a Loving Relationship Part 3

Realistic Expectations

Among the reasons being in love may be so frustrating is that a lot of us expect magic. We expect chemistry, compliments, allegiance and clever conversation.
And we expect it all before the main course has even gotten there. Sustaining healthy expectations in love doesn't mean lowering your standards or flexing your morals.

Rather, it means coming to the table with an open mind and letting relationships build by nature in their own way and at their own rate. If you frequently feel disappointed after you fall in love, you might be manifesting your own destiny. 
                                                 What You Expect
Arrange your life for success. View a date as a chance to share things a getting to understand a new individual. That's it. If a 2nd date comes after, great! If fireworks blow up, even better! Blooming romance is a bonus of a love, not a fundamental.

Be an honest romantic. Having fair expectations doesn't mean turning bitter and jad…

Sustaining a Loving Relationship - Part 4

Taking Responsibility

We're responsible for our actions--all of them. We're responsible for our ideas and action, whether calculated or unintentional. A responsible individual makes errors, but if they do, they take responsibility and make it correct. 

Be accountable. Maybe you yelled at your kids because you were sapped at the end of a long day. Perhaps you snapped at your mate who was talking your ear off about things you truly weren't interested in. Perhaps you beeped your horn and gave a raunchy gesture to a wandering driver who cut you off.

Even if the other individual was out of line, you're responsible for yourself. Whatever you do, you're responsible for your behaviors. If your children are feisty, your mate unreasonable, your colleague unbearable, you're always responsible for how you react. Your action is under your command.

Quit blaming. It's simple to point the finger. As a matter of fact, you may build a case against anybody. However blaming other…

Sustaining a Loving Relationship Part 2

Emotions are the glue that associates you to others and gives meaning to life. They're the foundation of your power to comprehend yourself and relate to other people.

When you're aware and in command of your emotions, you are able to think clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges; communicate well with other people; and display trust, empathy, and self-confidence. However lose command of your emotions, and you’ll spin into mental confusion, isolation, and negativity. By realizing and ruling your emotions you'll be able to gain command over the way you respond to challenges, better your communication skills, and savor more fulfilling relationships. This is the power of formulating emotional awareness.

Your Emotions

Whether we’re cognizant of them or not, emotions are a ceaseless presence in our lives, influencing everything we accomplish. Emotional awareness means recognizing what you're feeling and why. It’s the ability to identify and express what you'r…