Skip to main content

Breaking Down Communication Road Blocks

Communication is important in a relationship. Effective communication is even crucial for a long-lasting relationship. One of the main reasons for breakups in a relationship is the inability to understand each other.
Respect your partner. Understanding your partner means respecting him/her. Respect your partner’s personal space and time to carry out his/her daily activities alone. Respect your partner’s rights to speak out or make decisions. Do not dominate your partner’s every move and thought.
Accept your partner for who he/she is. This requires tolerance. You must be able to tolerate your partner’s weaknesses and ways of handling difficulties faced, and his/her lifestyle. If you find it unbearable anymore, try to talk to your partner.
Realize that your partner has a different perception from yours. When making decisions together, always remember that he/she has individual opinions, choices, and thoughts too. This will prevent misunderstandings and heated arguments.
Give full support. Understand your partner’s needs. Give full love, emotional, physical, or mental support to your partner. Support would mean you will try to get involved in his/her life, thus allowing you to understand him/her better.
Genuinely care for your partner. Being in a relationship, you should genuinely being able to accept, love and care for him/her. Even if this is a forced relationship, treat your partner well. When you genuinely care, you are able to understand your partner more. Listen carefully to your partner.
Find the “good” in your partner. Do not allow negative feelings to grow, towards your partner. When you are upset with your partner, you may misinterpret him/her easily. You should occasionally give compliments when your partner did something right. This is a very effective way of complimenting your partner.
The key development is effective communication. Learning ways to voice yourself and be present for your partner is what makes a relationship click.

              Improving Communication
Just call to say, “I love you”. Tell your partner how much you miss him/her, or how much you need him/her, whether at work or when you are away.
This works especially for couples who had just argued or are being temporary separated from each other for daily activities. This is also a chance to reconnect to each other.
Put yourself in your partner’s position occasionally. You will understand better, what your partner is going through and how he/she feels about things. Take turns to do chores. Cook dinner, keep an eye on your children if you have any, or try to work around his/her schedules.
Have a conversation. Make time to sit down together and have deep conversation at least once or twice a week. Just talk about yourself and your partner. Have a special dinner together periodically, or go for a walk together, etc.
Have open and mutual discussions often. Join in the conversation with your partner. When either of you are facing difficulties or trying to solve problems, make discussions without dominating the whole situation, or allowing your partner to do all the talking.
Show appropriate body language. When your partner is in trouble and talks to you, show that you are listening. When your partner is upset with the loss of her close relative, do not merely sit there and do nothing. Give your partner encouragement with a pat on the shoulder or loving smiles.

                     Arguing & Conflict
It is never ideal to think you are right all the time, especially when it involves your partner, just to guard your self-esteem or pride. Trying to win an argument means you are trying to dominate your partner, which is a very selfish thing to do and you might hurt your partner, which may lead to a bad breakup.
Try to be right all the time. Do not classify every point of view as “right” or “wrong”. You must understand that each point of view given by either of you can be subjective, and matters in life cannot be logical all the time, however, be rational. Never forget to listen carefully to what your partner is trying to say.
Expect your partner to think like you. Different people have different thoughts and ideas, so do not demand your partner think like you, or 100% understands how you think or feel.
Bring back the past conflicts. Again, why would you want to win over the argument? Is it to hide the fact that you are having low self- esteem? Bear in mind, this act could prevent healing the wounds in your relationship, and worsens the argument.
Accuse your partner. Don’t always be accusing. “You”. “You are the one who started this!” “You should check yourself first!” When in an argument, try to focus on what you feel and think. It would be better if it were phrased, “I feel disappointed...” “I find it hard to...”
Express negative emotions aggressively. When you are truly frustrated during the argument, you would start to react to it harshly. Do avoid reacting wrongly in order to give the opportunity for better recovery and easier reconciliation.

              Molehill into a Mountain
One of the main reasons of breakups is complicating simple things, which is not wise, and it effects communication. Why are you being too serious over little matters in life? You can avoid complicating simple things by having positive thoughts or keep this in your mind, “I still love him/her”.
Never try to get away with it. For example, your partner never likes your habit of not placing your dishes in the basin after meals. If you keep repeating this habit despite him/her feeling irritated, just out of spite, imagine how things may get worse if it never meet came to an end.
Intensify stress in life. It is already pressuring with the busy daily schedules, so why make it more complicated and stressful when you are close with someone you love? A relationship occurs when you know that you can depend on him/her for happiness and relax from the pressures in life. Try to keep everything just as simple as it is.
Do not enjoy being together. Simple actions such as a call from your partner saying, “I miss you” would probably make his/her day. If you start pondering on whether your partner is cheating on you and trying to buy your love, you will miss the great feeling of him/her cherishing you. Soon, you will get frustrated with your partner easily, especially when you keep this kind of feelings to yourself.
Raise suspicions towards each other. Your partner is away for business and you think he is having another lover. She loves to add prawns in her cooking and you just feel that she does this on purpose, because she knows you are allergic to it. If you find something is wrong, stop thinking about it and bring it up in an open discussion. Ask or talk to him/her to clarify the matter.

This is one great advice to maintain a long-lasting relationship – never assume. Never make assumptions. It’s the number one issue that can divide a couple. Things may not have happened according to what you think it. You may be disappointed whenever something happens, or the situation might get worse with your reaction or expression.
Your judgment is based on your past experiences. You doubt your partner when the way he/she acts shows signs of him/her cheating on you according to your previous relationship experiences. Try to let go of the past when you are with your current partner. He/she is nothing like your ex.
You neglect others’ points of view. You think it is this way. You thought it goes like that. When these thoughts are repeated over and over in your mind, you tend to forget your partner’s true intentions and how the real situation truly was.
Your pride blurs your vision. You think you know it all and it is easy to predict what will happen next. Well, you are wrong; you cannot predict relationships like movies or dramas. Try to avoid developing self-pride or thinking highly of yourself, and start considering your partner’s feelings.
You think you are communicating well with your partner. You think you convey your message well and your partner understands you. You think you tell it right. It is always best to prepare or think twice before you speak or act to avoid such assumptions.
You think your partner is happy being with you. Therefore, you forget to treat your partner better than before and may neglect his/her wishes and needs. Different people stay in relationships for different reasons. Make sure you maintain an effective communication with your partner to understand fully his/her intentions or thoughts.
When you are in a relationship, you think you understand your partner very well, including how he/she will react. Nevertheless, the more you think you know or expect from your partner, the more disappointment you will get if your partner does react like you think.
You think your partner loves you. Of course, being positive is a good thing, but in this case it is not. You think your partner loves you, so you expect him/her not to get mad easily even when you say hurtful words or did bad things to him/her.
You think you love your partner well enough. When your partner gets upset, you think it is wise to avoid telling the truth because you are afraid he/she will feel worse, when actually your partner needs to know the truth immediately.
You think your partner will know how to make you happy. When you get agitated by his/her actions or words, you walk away and assume he/she will come searching for you and most probably give you a bundle of roses or allow you to use the credit card. Remember, your partner may undergo pressures in life too, and he/she is not obliged to cheer you up.
You forget to listen carefully to your partner. Just because you have expected him/her to react in a particular way, you forget to make efforts to care for your partner’s feelings.
You start to make your partner fit into your life. A relationship is a mutual thing, there should be sharing between you and your partner, and not him/her adjusting to your emotions every time. Be sensible. Stop expecting too much from your partner. Always expecting a particular reaction and not getting it, should not cause him/her to sulk and become angry.

                                    Moving Forward
Many people keep things to themselves, and not sharing the matters or going with their instincts to tell the truth to their partners. It is true that everyone has their own private world, but if the things that you keep to yourself relates to your partner, it would seem unfair to both of you if the thing is not made known. Why is it important to speak up your mind?
Let your partner know your needs and desires. Do not worry that this will trouble your partner. Of course, do it at the right time and occasion. Practice expressing your needs and desires to your partner by not forcing, will help your partner to understand you better.
Avoid misunderstandings. You become suspicion of your partner, therefore, insisting he/she clarify the matter. This helps you to express your feelings better and let you understand what is really going on to avoid unwanted stress.
To ensure you are having a healthy discussion. During the conversation, you should consider speaking out with your instinct as that would be the “natural voice” to express your thoughts and ideas. Avoid telling what you think may prevent your partner from having a clearer picture of the matter.
Allow your partner to have a chance to correct himself/herself. You are annoyed with his/her weakness and bad attitudes. Tell him/her. Your partner is someone you are with, so honesty is important. Your partner may not accept the truth, but he/she will understand your good intentions later. Make sure you tell it honestly and correctly.
Let your partner know that you still care. Your partner may lose confidence that you still love him/her as much, and you cannot leave him/her. Be first to speak out and show actions that you love him/her so dearly.


Popular posts from this blog

The Healthy Couple

Clear and authentic communication is essential for a healthy relationship. A mindful partnership involves a place of understanding from where an individual is coming from. Clear boundaries and a respective responsibility of each other, as being unique is central for growth and belongingness. If a connection is fragmented, individuals cannot exist as one, than the relationship cannot be whole. Partners develop a dance around one another’s problems and develop dysfunctional patterns that are projected on the partner and world.
Therefore, a healthy partnership revolves around letting go (being vulnerable) and accepting the relationship for what it is, who they are, and how they engage. Acquiring these attributes involves the removal of need, fear, and obsession. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable than we allow ourselves to make a deep connection.
In addressing this concept back to direct communication, a disagreement is not about winning or losing yet about understanding. Conflict is a…

The Courage of Therapy

I recently wrote an article for Therapy Today on the vulnerability of going to therapy and the incredible growth you can achieve by attending sessions:

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”  – David Richo One of the most courageous acts a human can make is to accept their flaws and look within themselves to take the appropriate steps to develop as a healthy individual. I work with brave people on a daily basis. Every time I meet a new client in my Los Angeles office, I am enlightened by their motivation and strength to make change in their life. Walking into a therapy office can be terrifying, as it requires a person to be vulnerable and expose their imperfections with a perfect stranger. For most, talking about our most inner fears is not an easy task. I have worked with many different people over the years and there is one constant about the people who make change in their life, being vulnerable is the recipe for growth.  It is not easy to…

Sustaining a Loving Relationship Part 2

Emotions are the glue that associates you to others and gives meaning to life. They're the foundation of your power to comprehend yourself and relate to other people.

When you're aware and in command of your emotions, you are able to think clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges; communicate well with other people; and display trust, empathy, and self-confidence. However lose command of your emotions, and you’ll spin into mental confusion, isolation, and negativity. By realizing and ruling your emotions you'll be able to gain command over the way you respond to challenges, better your communication skills, and savor more fulfilling relationships. This is the power of formulating emotional awareness.

Your Emotions

Whether we’re cognizant of them or not, emotions are a ceaseless presence in our lives, influencing everything we accomplish. Emotional awareness means recognizing what you're feeling and why. It’s the ability to identify and express what you'r…