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Sustaining a Loving Relationship - Part 4


                                                  Taking Responsibility 

We're responsible for our actions--all of them. We're responsible for our ideas and action, whether calculated or unintentional. A responsible individual makes errors, but if they do, they take responsibility and make it correct. 

 Be accountable. Maybe you yelled at your kids because you were sapped at the end of a long day. Perhaps you snapped at your mate who was talking your ear off about things you truly weren't interested in. Perhaps you beeped your horn and gave a raunchy gesture to a wandering driver who cut you off.


Even if the other individual was out of line, you're responsible for yourself. Whatever you do, you're responsible for your behaviors. If your children are feisty, your mate unreasonable, your colleague unbearable, you're always responsible for how you react. Your action is under your command.

Quit blaming. It's simple to point the finger. As a matter of fact, you may build a case against anybody. However blaming other people doesn't help you get to be a responsible individual. If you quit pointing the finger, you have command over yourself. Simply because the other individual is wrong or inappropriate, does not mean you have to be.

Acknowledge what occurred. If you acknowledge, "Yes, I didn't call like I said I would," you eliminate the need to cook up crazy excuses. "I messed up" is the responsible sentence, and if followed with "How may I make it up to you?" it makes individuals ready to forgive. Your integrity earns value.

Accentuate the favorable. Move through your day with favorable attitude. Have you ever noticed that individuals who do not take responsibility for their own actions are negative and cynical? The people who blame other people seem to have the worst luck. Anything that fails is always that other individual's fault.
No wonder they do not accomplish much happiness. They're ceaseless victims. If you take responsibility for having the life you wish, you shift your focus from what failed to what went correctly. A little shifting in focus turns a losing situation into a winning proposition.

See yourself clearly. Taking responsibility includes acknowledging both your weaknesses and fortes. It means acknowledging all that's wonderful about you. If you take responsibility you understand your talents and put them to use.
You know if you've done a great job. You appreciate your work. You're kind to yourself. A responsible individual doesn't dismiss her own accomplishments. She knows her great and positive qualities. She has a full picture of who she is. A responsible individual goes on to grow emotionally.

Say "thanks." Accept praise graciously. If somebody acknowledges you, say, "thanks." If somebody is kind or gives you a present, the responsible response is a sincere "thanks."

Practice healthy self-focus. Thinking too much about our own issues, worrying ceaselessly about the future, ruing the past, and feeling sorry for ourselves may lead to indulgent self-pity.

It's consuming. But, taking time to truly know what makes you tick; in a gentle, reflective way is the start of self-love and personal responsibility. If you get familiar with your hurts, your limits, your gifts and talents, you grow into the best individual that you may be, then you're alive and living your best life and working on true love. 

* Todd Deutsch is the owner and lead licensed Marriage Family Therapist & Life Coach for Complete Game Plan located in West Los Angeles adjacent to Century City.

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